i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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