apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
