she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
