I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
