is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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