we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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