i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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