all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
