So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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