we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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