I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
