I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
