Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
