I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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