You can't special order awesome
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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