I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
