90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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