Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
