Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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