Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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