I accidentally had phone sex last night
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
