Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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