you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
