A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
