he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
