Just cropdusted the office
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I touched a dick in church today
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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