I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
