Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
