She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
