ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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