She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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