After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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