Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
