Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
