You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
