Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
