Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
