i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
