There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
