I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
