i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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