therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
organizing the empties. That sober.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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