I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
