I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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