ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
