No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
