o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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