cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
