I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
50% drunk capacity currently
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
