Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
