I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
