weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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