so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
