True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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