Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
