well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
