The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
