apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
