when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
MIDGETS
????
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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