Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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