You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
